Judith Martin (better known as Miss Manners) in an interview with Virginia Shea back in 1995 had some very interesting comments. MAIN POINTS: 1) The etiquette rule is that you do not respond to rudeness with more rudeness; it doesn't solve the problem. So you treat him with the proper reaction to rudeness, which is not to [act as if] everything is fine. You get rather stiffly polite, and you steer somewhat clear of that person until he realizes he's done something awfully wrong. 2) There are plenty of people who say, ``We don't care about etiquette, but we can't stand the way so-and-so behaves, and we don't want him around!'' Etiquette doesn't have the great sanctions that the law has. BUT THE MAIN SANCTION WE DO HAVE is in not dealing with these people and isolating them because their behavior is unbearable. ... more Miss Manners in full .... Miss Manners has commented extensively on how to behave correctly in almost every situation in American life. So why not in cyberspace? ....... Here's what she had to say: Because E-mail can go essentially from the writer's brain to the recipient's screen, people often press the ``send'' button on messages they probably wouldn't put in the mail. So here's the situation: A colleague sends me E-mail saying that he doesn't like some work I've done, and he says some rather nasty things. Of course, my immediate response is to want to flame right back at him. Is that a good response? Miss Manners: The etiquette rule is that you do not respond to rudeness with more rudeness; it doesn't solve the problem. So you treat him with the proper reaction to rudeness, which is not to [act as if] everything is fine. You get rather stiffly polite, and you steer somewhat clear of that person until he realizes he's done something awfully wrong. Miss Manners: The response is the same as it is in society: You can deny all you want that there is etiquette, and a lot of people do in everyday life. But if you behave in a way that offends the people you're trying to deal with, they will stop dealing with you. And that can happen as easily in cyberspace as it happens every day in real life. There are plenty of people who say, ``We don't care about etiquette, but we can't stand the way so-and-so behaves, and we don't want him around!'' Etiquette doesn't have the great sanctions that the law has. But the main sanction we do have is in not dealing with these people and isolating them because their behavior is unbearable. [In cyberspace], people can easily avail themselves of the cloak of total anonymity, which of course creates a lot of etiquette problems. Because if you're rude under a code name and I can't see you, I don't know where you live, and I don't even know your real name, [then] you probably don't feel the sense of shame you would feel if you were rude to the same group of people but were in a room with them. http://www.computerworld.com/reprintthis/1995/0,4836,17542,00.html I requested a copy sent to this list. Credits: Computerworld Virginia Shea and Judith Martin (AKA Miss Manners) Other words to associate with the word Etiquette: appropriateness, ceremoniousness, civility, conventionality, correctness, courtesy, decorum, dignity, etiquette, fitness, fittingness, formality, good manners, honesty, modesty, propriety, respectability, righteousness, seemliness, virtue, custom, digest, discipline, ethics .... In real simple terms - embarrassing another cc in this project on this list is not appropriate. In lieu of Jimmy providing a verbal warning to those indulging in this activity, it would probably be more appropriate if a public apology on the list were made to Mr. Fender. Brenda Pierce <BOLD> Brenda </Bold>