> > A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. > She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for > serious injury, illness, or a death in the student's immediate > family. > > A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual > exhaustion?" > > The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. > When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the > student, > shakes her head, and sweetly says, "You can write with > your other hand." > ********************************************************************* > CHOKING > > One day, at a local restaurant, a woman suddenly called out, "My son's > choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!" > > A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite > experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of > concern, wrapped his hands around the boy's gonads and squeezed. Out > popped the quarter. The manthen went back to his table as though nothing > had > happened. > > "Thank you so much!" the mother cried. "Are you a paramedic?" > > "No," replied the man, "I work for the IRS." > ******************************************************************** > Headache????? > > On their way home after celebrating their 25th anniversary, the wife thanks > her husband for a wonderful evening. > > "Oh. It's not over yet," says he. > > Once in the house, he gives her a little black velvetbox. > > She opens it in anticipation and finds two little white pills, "what in the > world are these?" > > "Aspirin," he replies. > > "But I don't have a headache," says she. > > "GOTCHA!" > ********************************************************************* > Old lady in court > > Defense Attorney: What is your age? > Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old. > Defense Attorney: On the first day of April last year, will you tell us, > in your own words, what happened to you? > Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front > porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the > porch and sat down beside me. > Defense Attorney: Did you know him? > Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly. > Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you? > Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh. > Defense Attorney: Did you stop him? > Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him. > Defense Attorney: Why not? > Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner > passed away some 30 years ago. > Defense Attorney: What happened next? > Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts. > Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then? > Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him. > Defense Attorney: Why not? > Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive > and excited. I haven't felt that good in years! > Defense Attorney: What happened next? > Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my > old legs and said to him, "Take me, young man, Take me!" > Defense Attorney: Did he take you? > Little Old Woman: Hell, no. That's when he yelled, "April Fools!" And > that's when I shot the son of a bitch > > O *    O *O    *   O O *      * O <º)(((((~((((((>>>< * <º)((((~((((>< kissy_fishy