This area is meant to accompany the book "Life's Little Instruction Book" Most of the jokes contained in this area are original, and have been written by Chris Goldberg, Chris Gallagher or Doug Vance, the others have been collected from various sites on the Internet. In this area, you will find hints and tips that will help you lead a dangerous and destructive life! Let your son have a "sleep over" with Michael Jackson. Eat at Taco Bell as much as Laughing Pit Creators Doug and Chris do. Let Kurt Cobain be your role-model. Marry an ugly waste-of-life, complain a lot, do a lot of heroin, and then shoot yourself in your head Eat Holloween candy without it being thoroghly inspected by parents. Only look one way while crossing the road. Vote for Bill Clinton, Al Gore, Al Sharpton, Mario Cuomo, and other fools for public office Have unprotected, kinky sex with mokeys infected with the ebola virus. While on the 9th hole, playing golf with O.J. Simpson, ask him how his "arthritis" is. Take the Driver's Liscense test on CRACK! Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way". Specify that your drive-through order is "to go". Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies. Repeat everything someone says, as a question, until physically restrained. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/ OJ Simpson Conspiriacy theories. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub" Cruise around the South Bronx, in your BMW Convertible, listening to Wu-Tung Clan's "Shame on a Nigga" at top volume. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. Glue change to the floor at a Jewish Temple. Inform your friends, frequently and at length, how good it feels to be done with *your* final exams. Name your dog "Dog". Inform others that they exist only in your imagination. Ask people what gender they are. Steer every conversation, no matter how irrelevant, toward a discussion of the presidency of Millard Filmore. When dining out, engage in graphic discussions of medieval prostate surgery. Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. Drink 8 glasses of whiskey a day (as opposed to 8 glasses of water, who needs the stuff anyway)