FUNNY THINGS KIDS SAY Heather and her daughter Sarah, 3, were leaving the house one morning. Heather said, "Oh look, our hibiscus is blooming." Sarah said, "What's that?" Heather replied, "See that plant with the orange flowers? That's a hibiscus." "Oh," said Sarah, "I didn't even know we had blooming hot biscuits!" -- Jaymi Ahrendt (about her neighbor Heather) of Kingwood, Texas Eldon's aunt bought her first house in a neighborhood that was just being built. She moved in with her 3-year-old son, Marc. Construction of houses went on all winter long, and in the spring it was time to lay the sod on the yards. One day, Marc watched as some workers were laying the sod on the neighbors' front yard. A week later the neighbor decided that he was going to install a light pole near the driveway, and he rolled back the sod to install the wiring. Marc watched with great interest, and then yelled out "ARE YOU MOVING?" Marc thought that the new neighbor was rolling up his grass to take it with him to their new house! -- Eldon W. Bell of Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario, Canada As Laura was driving their paper route one nice morning, there was an elderly woman on her knees trimming the grass around her mailbox with shears. Laura's son said, "Mom, I feel sorry for that lady... she must be poor, she has to cut their grass with scissors." -- Laura Imerese of Lewiston, New York Preschool twins, Anna and Sarah, were running errands with their dad when he pulled in front of the local dry cleaners. He had brought along a pair of dress slacks he needed dry cleaned. "Where are you going, Daddy?" Anna asked. "The man in this store is going to clean my pants for me," he said. When he came back to the car a minute later, Anna had an important question for her dad: "How did you cover up?" she wanted to know. "What do you mean?" Anna's dad asked. "When you took your pants off so the man could clean them, how did you cover up so they didn't see you in your underwear?" Anna asked. -- Bob Buttgen (father of Anna and Sarah) of Ligonier, Indiana Lisa tried to prepare Joshua, 2, for the arrival of his new baby brother. She taught him lots of important big brother things during her pregnancy so he would be able to teach his little brother things after he arrived. One of the lessons was counting -- zero, one, two, three, four, etc. Joshua couldn't wait for his big brother role to begin. However, about a month after the baby arrived, a little jealousy set in and Joshua was ready for his brother to be taken back to the hospital. So, Lisa placed Joshua on her lap for a heart-to-heart talk about how they had to keep his little brother. She told him that although this baby was taking up some of the time they had together, Joshua would always be her number one son. Joshua smiled and replied very seriously, "And Mom, you'll always be my zero." -- Lisa Durham of Collinsville, Alabama Alia, 3, went with her father to the jeweler. While Bob examined the diamonds for his wife's ring, the jeweler talked to Alia. "When is your birthday, sweetheart?" he asked. "August 6th," she replied. "Oh, so you're a Leo?" the jeweler said. "No, I'm Alia," Alia quickly replied. -- Bob Harlan of Cleveland Heights, Ohio Alia, who is now 11, had a role in a local theatre production. A newspaper did a review of the play, and while she was listed as Captain of the Guard, her performance (which was outstanding) was not mentioned. Alia was in tears over being slighted. Her mother told her that her part is a supporting role which makes the stars look better. Alia got a smile on her face and said, "So that means that I would get a Best Supporting Actress Emmy?" Amanda's 3-year-old saw her eating some cashews. "What's that?" he asked. "I'm eating cashews," Amanda replied. He picked one up and said, "I don't think it's cow shoes. It looks more like horse shoes!" -- Amanda Burgess of Cookeville, Tennessee Devin, 2, was learning his colors. His grandmother decided to play the "I spy something with my eyes" game. They were moving right along, with him guessing everything his grandmother said. Then she noticed her gray Persian cat sleeping on the floor. So, she said to Devin, "I spy something with my eyes that is gray -- what is it?" (meaning the cat). Devin quickly replied, "Grandma's hair!" -- Devin's grandma of Blaine, Minnesota The family was new to the community and Sis, 7, was in the first grade. One day, Lori received a phone call from the principal. She was told to come right away to the school. Sis had never been in trouble before so Lori had no idea why she had been called. At school, Lori was asked about what Sis had said in class. It was fire prevention week and a fireman was in class talking about safety. They had talked about what they could do to stay safe. One child in the class had said, "Don't do drugs." Sis had said, "Well, my mom does drugs 'cause they make her feel good." Lori had to explain to the principal that Sis was talking about her prescription medicine for her migraine headaches. -- Lori of Noblesville, Indiana An older lady at church died. When her 4-year-old great-grandson was told that "Great Nanna went to be with Jesus," he asked, "When is she coming back?" His mother replied, "She's not coming back." He put his hands on his hips and said, "Then you'd better tell me how to get there!" -- Janice Langford of Pierce City, Missouri When Taylor started kindergarten, her mother emphasized that she should be well behaved in school and obey the teacher. She also tried to instill in her young daughter that she needed to pray everyday. About a week later, Taylor's mother asked her if she had been praying. Taylor smiled and said, "Yes, and you know God really does hear our prayers... last week at school we were lined up to go out on the playground and our teacher told us to wait until everyone was ready, but I didn't wait. When the teacher scolded me for going out, I prayed to God to make teacher forget to tell you, and see, it worked!" -- Debbie Blankenship (about her niece Taylor) of Tuscaloosa, Alabama