Mothers teach us TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!" Mothers teach us RELIGION "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." Mothers teach us about TIME TRAVEL "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" Mothers teach us LOGIC "Because I said so, that's why." Mothers teach us FORESIGHT "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." Mothers teach us IRONY "Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry about." Mothers teach us about the science of OSMOSIS "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" Mothers teach us about CONTORTIONISM "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!" Mothers teach us about STAMINA "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished." Mothers teach us about WEATHER "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." Mothers teach us how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?" Mothers teach us about HYPOCRISY "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!" Mothers teach us THE CIRCLE OF LIFE "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." Mothers teach us about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION "Stop acting like your father!" Mothers teach us about ENVY "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!" THANKS, MOM!