Put THAT on your waffle, baby. By The Headbunny Back to the Essays As we get closer to the release of the new and improved version of "Ocean's Eleven" I decided to fire [up] pay-per-view and watch the original the other night. I generally have no faith in remakes but I've taken an important step in learning how to critically view such films. Rather than just dismissing the new version out of hand I make sure to watch the original so I can base my small-minded criticism solely on the original and almost never have to bother with the pain of watching the new. Actually, I think that's how Roger Ebert does it too. at least it sure seems that way sometimes. Motivation aside, I rented the movie and enjoyed thoroughly. I had seen parts of it over the years on cable but I never watched the whole thing straight through. Usually I'd watch a bit then flip to ESPN for a few at-bats of a baseball game, an episode of "The Simpsons" or just plain channel surfing. More often than not I'd skip it because the film quality was so bad it often looked like one of the old, worn films they showed you in high school for defensive driving. I was quite impressed with the quality of the print that pay-per-view had. The film was crisp, clean and so sharp you could actually tell which scenes Dean Martin was sober in! There are dozens upon dozens of reviews out there detailing the movie and the plot (the movie is only forty years old) so I'll focus on things you probably haven't read elsewhere. The two things that stood out most in watching the movie: the casting choices and the language. I had no idea how many people popped up in that movie. Sure, everyone knows the Rat Pack is in it. How many people remember that Norman Fell has a decent sized part? Anyone who has seen the movie will remember the great Cesar Romero strolling through his scenes with all the subtlety of a jackhammer but what about Shirley MacLaine's cameo as a little piece of hood ornament at a crucial plot moment? (For the record. wow. Shirley MacLaine actually looked good before she became the new-age laughingstock of the 80's.) The casting doesn't have the ensemble quality of "It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World" but there are some interesting choices. The good old Rat Pack jive patios the movie used also left a positive impression. It could have turned into an incredibly overblown, coo-coo affair but they kept it light and it never descended into the in-joke riffing that I expected. A few of the phrases took a moment to decipher but nothing was too out of the norm. Save for one. An early scene in a burlesque house (which dated things pretty much simply by the use of the word 'burlesque') threw a phrase at me that I have not been able to decipher, decode or otherwise break down with any certainty whatsoever. I also can't get it out of my head so I'll foist it off on you, fine reader, and see what you get from it. A rather attractive young thing is doing her work on the stage while the characters talk at the bar. We only get a glimpse of the gal on stage but as the gents talk we pan and see a few long, tall Texans sitting at a table watching the show and getting visibly. agitated. The characters at the bar keep talking and one reveals that the woman doing the shimmying on stage is, in fact, his wife. (I gather in those days that was enough to make a character questionable. Now if a character in a movie needs to be shameful he's married to a coke-whore addict who only sleeps with high school boys. I guess on-screen morality has taken a turn for the worse in some ways.) Moments after this revelation we see one of the Texans jump from his table and bellow to the girl on stage the most memorable line of the film: "Oh Missy, I want to take you home and spread you on my waffle!" I've searched high and low for any other references to this phrase in the days since viewing and cannot find any trace of it. As the time has passed I'm pretty sure that the scriptwriters put the phrase in to fit with the PG approach of the film. (It's worth noting for a film about ex-soldiers who are going to rob a casino while drinking heavily and having run-ins with lovers and ex-wives. it's pretty tame stuff. That's not a bad thing though, everyone now knows what a bad-ass Sinatra was so you don't really need to hear it from the horse's mouth.) I think anyone with a few spare brain cells to rub together can figure out what the lusty (and possibly hungry) Texan is thinking but doesn't the phrase drive your mind out of joint for just a few seconds? Right after I heard the phrase I had to run through all the possible meanings and I don't mind telling you I came up with some images that took a while to get out of my head. Maybe the fact that it's so easy to come up with the image of someone spread on a waffle that makes it so maddening. Go ahead - take a second and just go with it. Scary, huh? Then I thought that maybe the waffle was the metaphor here. I thought perhaps that the 'waffle' might be a euphemism for a bed. That didn't work out too well either. Besides, the writers probably could have had the character say that without too much trouble. No, 'waffle' here means something deeper. I'm just not willing to go on with this train of thought or the next time I go to an International House of Pancakes there'll be an incident that will probably get me arrested. So those of you out there getting all excited for the remake of "Ocean's Eleven" can get all misty-eyed at the thought of George Clooney and Brad Pitt getting all the screen time but it won't be anywhere near as cool watching Sinatra, Martin, Norman Fell and the rest of the Pack making their moves. You can bet your waffle on it. ©2001 Fluffybunny.com. All Rights Reserved. Don't make us come after you.