LOL TO FUNNY~! > > An open letter to the person about to send me that mass email: > > You did not 'just see my site' and see a great opportunity to raise my > traffic. > > You aren't a young, nubile sixteen year-old girl about to go down on her > sister just for me. > > I am perfectly happy with my penis, but thank you for insisting that you can > help me improve what I have. > > I do not own a home, so you cannot help me unlock my hidden equity. > > I do not need your services or the services of your coding team in India. > Thanks for sending me all the resumes though; it's always fun to see someone > claim to be an expert in WS_FTP and 'DB3 Progroming.' > > I have a college degree so odds are I don't want one of yours even if there > IS a discount when I buy 3 or more. I suppose it's nice of you to offer a > cheaper path to grad school for some though. > > You do not have pictures of Catherine Zeta-Jones that 'show everything' in a > way that I've never thought of before. Trust me, I've thought of at least a > dozen ways you couldn't imagine. I'm surprised Michael Douglas hasn't kicked > my ass already. > > Even if nude pictures of Chelsea Clinton exist I sure as hell don't want to > see them. > > The words 'farm animals' and 'sex' should never be in such close proximity, > hence I won't even crack open the email. > > Your subject header contains two-dozen garbage characters because you're too > cheap to actually pay for the mass email product you're using, so how good > can your product or service be? > > I don't want to know the facts about anyone, anytime. There's a certain > amount of blissful ignorance that is required to stay sane these days. Your > offer is tempting but the odds are that my personally concocted versions of > 'the truth' are better off for my long-term mental health (whatever that may > actually be.) > > Seriously, I have no desire to do anything to my penis. Why in the world you > think this is a viable email-marketing scheme is beyond me. > > I'm too young to need Viagra, but thanks for offering. > > I don't want to buy prescription medication at bargain prices from you. I > barely trust my HMO, why in the world do you think I'll let you fill my > scrip? > > I also don't need the 'all-natural' alternative to Viagra no matter how much > better it is than the real thing. Besides, isn't the alternative to Viagra > just having loads and loads of money? > > Speaking of which, I don't want your all-natural alternative to cannabis. I > understand the non-alcoholic beer angle but who in the world wants to smoke > weed that doesn't get you high? > > I, like many others, have seen the random photos of Anna Kournikova falling > out of a tennis outfit or two. That's more than I need and your promise of > hundreds of such photos does nothing to me other than make me feel queasy. > > The company you are touting might be real but the press release you've > concocted in an attempt to boost the price is not. Who in the world do you > expect to buy stock from a person using 'sexxymail.com' as their domain > anyway? As much as they try to convince you otherwise there are NO sexy > stockbrokers. It just doesn't work that way. > > Did I mention that no amount of discussions of the benefits of implants, > creams, pumps or the like will ever convince me that I need to purchase > penis-improving aides from an email marketer? > > Let's be honest for a minute. If you are a nubile 16 year-old who is > comfortable with my penis as it is and has a great stock tip you're going to > offer to me while you and your sister go down on Catherine Zeta-Jones I > might just want in. Otherwise you can just forget sending that message. > > Thanks for thinking of me though, > > Boon Sheridan > > .·:*´¨`*:·..·:*´¨`*:·. *: * Richiele * * *·. .·* `*·-:¦:-*´ ³´`*:»§«:*´`³