A Compendium of Fractured Song Titles These were contributed to the Harmonet and/or the BURPS humor group. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---- Agony in the TeePee (or, The Pain Was In Tents). Better to have loved a short girl, than never to have loved a tall. Come into the Pawn Shop, Mable...I want to get you a loan. Don't Cut through the Wheatfield, Ganny, You're Going Against the Grain. Don't Go Through the Screen Door, Mother, You'll Only Strain Yourself. Every time we throw a party, she beats me to the punch. Get down to the railroad tracks, Mother, and find your father some ties. Head to the roundhouse, Nellie, he can't corner you there. I can row a boat, Canoe? I don't want to set the world on fire, I just want a little heat in the car. I found a Cadillac of a woman, driving a Ford pickup. I Gave Her A Ring and She Gave Me Her Finger. I Got a Rose Between My Toes While Running Through the Greenhouse to You. I Got Tears in My Ears from Lyin' on My Back in My Bed while I Cry Over You. I Had an Apartment Up Front and She Had A Flat Behind. I had her in the fog and myst. I Kissed Her on the Lips and Left Her Behind for You! I learned to sing on my mother's knee, and in other assorted joints. I loved my wife for her nickels until I found the maid's quarters. I met her at the Laundry, but she left with the Tide. I put a bar in my car and now I'm driving myself to drink. I took my girl out in the cornfield and kissed her between the ears. I used to play the trombone, but then I let it slide. I Want A Girl Just Like the Baghdad Had. I wanted to fill my sister's girdle but I just didn't have the guts. I was born just outside of Wedlock, Texas. I Was in Love With a Girl With a Wooden Leg, But We Broke it Off (a.k.a: Peg O' My Heart). I'll never forget what's her name. I'm going to miss you if you go, but if you stay I won't. I'm so miserable since you've been gone, it's almost as if you were here. If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me. If you can't get an upper berth in Hawaii, you can always get aloha. If you were the only girl in the world, you would probably be my sister. It was wine, women and song that made our life so rich, but now its Metrocal, same old gal and "sing along with Mitch." Let me call you sweetheart because I can't remember your name. Let's go down to the gravel pit tonight, honey, and I'll get a little boulder. My grandfather wore long underwear, but he kept his trap shut. My mother had water on the knee, and that's why she always wore pumps. Never Hit Your Grandma With A Shovel (It Makes a Bad Impression on Her Mind). She criticized my apartment, so I knocked her flat. She got the Gold Mine, and I got the Shaft. She sits amongst the cabbage and peas. She was as pure as the driven snow...then she drifted! She was bread in Kentucky but she's just a crumb down here. She was so ugly, she made my cat bark! Show me a home where the Buffalo roam, and I'll show you a messy house. Stay off the stove, grandma, you're too old to ride the range. Stay out of the wheatfield, grandma ... it's harvest time and you'll get reaped. There's No Getting Over You, Dear, So Get Up and Answer the Phone. They can lock me up for loving you, but they can't keep my face from breaking out. They can't play poker in St. Louis anymore, because the cards are in Phoenix. When Banana Skins Are Falling, I'll Slide Right Back to You. When it's Apple Blossom Time in Orange, New Jersey, We'll Make a Peach of a Pair. When they operated on Dad, they opened up mother's male. When we saw Grandma lying on the floor, we knew she was off her rocker. When you see the ring around the bathtub, baby, you'll know I done left you clean. When you were eight and I was nine, we were 17. While I was out jogging, she was a-runnin' around on me. Won't you go home for Christmas, so I can have a happy New Year. Woodpecker's Nightmare :AKA : I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls. You advertise my bathroom and I'll plug your john. You can't pin anything on a nudist. You done ripped out mah heart, and stomped that sucker flat!