MISCELLANEOUS QUIPS On the other hand, you have different fingers. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Pardon my driving; I'm reloading. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. "It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others." --John Andrew Holmes Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. I intend to live forever -- so far, so good. I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy. Mind Like A Steel Trap -- Rusty And Illegal In 37 States. Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. Support bacteria -- they're the only culture some people have. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane

Subject: Life's Lessons I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night." Age 6 I've learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Age 7 I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. Age 9 I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up. Age 13 I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up. Age 14 I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me. Age 15 I've learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. Age 24 I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures. Age 26 I've learned that wherever I go, the worlds worst drivers have followed me there. Age 29 I've learned...that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. Age 39 I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it. Age 41 I've learned that you can make someone's day by simply sending them a little card. Age 44 I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his need to cast blame on others. Age 46 I've learned that children and grandparents are natural allies. Age 47 I've learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours. Age 49 I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. Age 50 I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. Age 52 I've learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills. Age 52 I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die. Age 53 I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. Age 58 I've learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, try to improve your marriage. Age 61 I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. Age 62 I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. you need to be able to throw something back. Age 64 I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. Age 65 I've learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision. Age 66 I've learned that everyone can use a prayer. Age 72 I've learned that it pays to believe in miracles. And to tell the truth, I've seen several. Age 73 I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. Age 82 I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. Age 85 I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. Age 92

Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, were vacationing in Europe, as it happens in Transylvania. They were driving a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely see 10 feet in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his new wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone. Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife, Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?" "I'm sorry," replies the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor. Come in and I will get him." Bob brings his wife in. An elegant man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor. I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory." With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries; so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more. The Hills' deaths upsets Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his pipe organ. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house. Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. As the music fills the lab, his eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty Hill's hand twitch. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise! He is further amazed as Betty sits straight up! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master, (Don't page down unless you are sure you dare...) Are you sure you want to know? "Master, Master! . . . The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

Thanks Janice, This is one of the songs I used to sing a lot, especially when I was out in a boat fishing. Wishful thinking on my part, I guess. Mary ----- Original Message ----- From: "Turk McGee" <turkm@ij.net> (On a Sunday Afternoon) "Blue Baron/Russ Morgan" Cruising down the river on a Sunday afternoon With one you love, the sun above waiting for the moon The old accordian playing a sentimental tune Cruising down the river on a Sunday afternoon The birds above all sing of love, a gentle sweet refrain The winds around all make a sound like softly falling rain Just two of us together, we'll plan a honeymoon Cruising down the river on a Sunday afternoon

Today is Monday, May 21st, the 141st day of 2001. There are 224 days left in the year. Today's Highlight in History: On May 21st, 1927, Charles A. Lindbergh landed his "Spirit of St. Louis" near Paris, completing the first solo airplane flight across the Atlantic Ocean. On this date: In 1542, Spanish explorer Hernando de Soto died while searching for gold along the Mississippi River. In 1832, the first Democratic National Convention got under way, in Baltimore. In 1840, New Zealand was declared a British colony. In 1881, Clara Barton founded the American Red Cross. In 1924, 14-year-old Bobby Franks was murdered in a "thrill killing" committed by Nathan Leopold Junior and Richard Loeb, two students at the University of Chicago. In 1956, the United States exploded the first airborne hydrogen bomb over Bikini Atoll in the Pacific. In 1959, the musical "Gypsy," inspired by the life of stripper Gypsy Rose Lee, opened on Broadway. In 1968, the nuclear-powered US submarine "Scorpion,' with 99 men aboard, was last heard from. (The remains of the sub were later found on the ocean floor 400 miles southwest of the Azores.) In 1980, Ensign Jean Marie Butler became the first woman to graduate from a US service academy as she accepted her degree and commission from the Coast Guard Academy in New London, Connecticut. In 1995, former Secretary of Defense Les Aspin died at a Washington DC hospital after suffering a massive stroke; he was 56. Ten years ago: Former Indian Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi was assassinated during national elections by a suicide bomber. Ethiopia's Marxist president (Mengistu Haile Mariam) resigned and fled into exile as rebels continued to advance. Five years ago: At least 615 people, many of them teen-agers, drowned when an overloaded Tanzanian ferry capsized in Lake Victoria. One year ago: Nineteen people were killed when a charter plane crashed in the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania. "Dancer in the Dark" won the Palme d'Or at the Cannes Film Festival; the Grand Prize went to "Devils on the Doorstep." Death claimed actor Sir John Gielgud at age 96 and author Dame Barbara Cartland at age 98. Today's Birthdays: Actor David Groh is 62. Rhythm-and-blues singer Ron Isley (The Isley Brothers) is 60. Musician Bill Champlin (Chicago) is 54. Singer Leo Sayer is 53. Actress Carol Potter is 53. Actor Mr. T is 49. Music producer Stan Lynch is 46. Actor Judge Reinhold is 44. Actor-director Nick Cassavetes is 42. Actor Brent Briscoe is 40. Jazz musician Christian McBride is 29. Actress Fairuza Balk is 27. Rapper Havoc (Mobb Deep) is 27. "Our present addiction to pollsters and forecasters is a symptom of our chronic uncertainty about the future.... We watch our experts read the entrails of statistical tables and graphs the way the ancients watched their soothsayers read the entrails of a chicken." -- Eric Hoffer, American philosopher (1902-1983). (Copyright 2001 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Don't Go To Bed I've heard it said don't go to bed while hanging on to sorrow, you may not have the chance to laugh with those you love tomorrow. You may not mean the words you speak when anger takes its toll, you may regret your actions once you've lost your self control. When you've lost your temper and you've said some hurtful things, think about the heartache that your actions sometimes bring. You'll never get those moments back, such precious time to waste, and all because of things you said in anger and in haste. So if you're loving someone and your pride has settled in, you may not ever have the chance to say to them again... "I love you and I miss you and although we don't agree, I'll try to see your point of view, please do the same for me." ~Unknown

Alan by Nicholas Covino ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---- The Alan lives in a house made of gold. She is half human, and also seems to have one of the habits of the sloth for she likes to hang head down from the branch of a tree. She is often mischievous, though not unfriendly to people. Sometimes the Alan appears in folktales as the mother of a human child.

Ahkiyyini by Nicholas Covino ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---- In Eskimo folklore there is a skeleton-ghost named Ahkiyyini. He was always dancing when he was alive, and his skeleton comes back every so often to do a jig that shakes the ground and turns boats over in the river. He makes his own music, using his arm bone as a drumstick and his shoulder blade as the drum.

Ahes ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---- The beautiful and lascivious daughter of Gralon, King of Ker-Ys. She stole the keys of the sluice-gates from her father and presented them to her lover, who let in the waters of the sea. Her father fled the flood on horseback with Ahes on the crupper behind him, accompanied by St. Guénolé, the king's confessor. When the water tried to engulf them, the confessor bade the king to cast off the she-devil who had caused the mischief. At these words, Ahes fell with a shriek into the waves and disappeared. Her father reached dry land, but Ahes still haunts the seas in the form of a lovely maiden, luring sailors to their doom. The legend of the submerged city of Ker-Ys circulated as early as the 16th century and had various localized forms.

Thanks for the songs Janis. :-) Enjoyed them a bunch. kath > (On a Sunday Afternoon) > "Blue Baron/Russ Morgan"

Thank you Janis. Good words. kath > > Don't Go To Bed > > I've heard it said don't go to bed > while hanging on to sorrow, > you may not have the chance to laugh > with those you love tomorrow. <<

Heehee~! Thanks Janis. :-) got a kick out of this. kath > Experts say Americans barbecued 2.7 billion times last year. Of course > they also said they knew where the Chinese Embassy in Belgrade was. When > something is this popular, people are always going to want the latest, greatest, > and best. <<<

Experts say Americans barbecued 2.7 billion times last year. Of course they also said they knew where the Chinese Embassy in Belgrade was. When something is this popular, people are always going to want the latest, greatest, and best. Remember a few years ago when plain old charcoal briquettes weren't good enough? First they made them so they'd light without starter fluid, which is no fun since that way the flames don't singe the bottom of the roof overhang. Then they started flavoring them. The next thing you know there will be charcoal briquettes in an array of fabulous designer colors. These mortgageable grills come in stainless steel, have designer paint jobs, feature side and bottom shelves, and have more features than the average kitchen range. And yes, they still do basically the same thing a pile of sticks will do. The biggest trend, though, was wood smoking. In a fit of mass hysteria not seen since people started mistaking Beanie Babies for a retirement fund, pyromaniacal adults started throwing wood chips on their fires to give dinner that special, smoky, burning-down-the-house taste. Hickory, mesquite, and applewood came and went. Backyards became hazier than Mexico City, which is saying a lot since breathing the air there for a day is supposedly equivalent to smoking three packs of unfiltered cigarettes. Once we went through all the flammable hardwoods indigenous to North America short of salt-treated lumber and telephone poles, there was nowhere to go in the world of barbecues than to make the equipment bigger. This is what's known as "a man thing." Where a few years ago the average grill cost between $100 and $300, now the price has jumped as high as $4,000. These mortgageable grills come in stainless steel, have designer paint jobs, feature side and bottom shelves, and have more features than the average kitchen range. And yes, they still do basically the same thing a pile of sticks will do. The question is: Does a $4,000 deluxe grill cook food any better than the $10 Hibachi you get at the drug store or the $30 kettle grill that's half-rusted on the back porch? I have no doubt your S'mores will be s'more melted, your toasted marshmallows crispier on the outside and gooier on the inside, and your hot dogs even more blistered and burned beyond recognition. But no matter what you cook the food on, some things will always stay the same. For one, you'll still be able to spot the man of the house. He'll be the one wearing the apron that says: "My grill can kick your grill's pork butt."

(On a Sunday Afternoon) "Blue Baron/Russ Morgan" Cruising down the river on a Sunday afternoon With one you love, the sun above waiting for the moon The old accordian playing a sentimental tune Cruising down the river on a Sunday afternoon The birds above all sing of love, a gentle sweet refrain The winds around all make a sound like softly falling rain Just two of us together, we'll plan a honeymoon Cruising down the river on a Sunday afternoon

Pennies From Heaven A long time ago A million years BC The best things in life Were absolutely free. But no one appreciated A sky that was always blue. And no one congratulated A moon that was always new. So it was planned that they would vanish now and them And you must pay before you get them back again. That's what storms were made for And you shouldn't be afraid for... Every time it rains it rains Pennies from heaven. Don't you know each cloud contains Pennies from heaven. You'll find yor fortune falling All over town. Be sure that your umbrella is upside down. Trade them for a package of sunshine and flowers. If you want the things you love You must have showers. So when you hear it thunder Don't run under a tree There'll be pennies from Heaven For you and me.

THE CRAZY CHOIR It was visitor's day at the lunatic asylum. All the inmates were standing in the courtyard and singing "Ave Maria" and singing it beautifully. Oddly, each of them was holding a red apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil. A visitor listened in wonderment to the performance and then approached the conductor of the choir. "I am a retired choir director," he said. "This is one of the best choirs I have ever heard." "Yes, I'm very proud of them," said the conductor. "You should take them on tour," said the visitor, "what are they called?" "Surely that's obvious," replied the conductor. "They are the Moron Tapanapple Choir."

This is one of my favorite songs. I danced my first dance with a boy doing this song. It's always been a special one for me. Thanks, Elsie At 12:46 AM 5/21/01 -0400, you wrote: >(On a Sunday Afternoon) >"Blue Baron/Russ Morgan" > > >Cruising down the river >on a Sunday afternoon >With one you love, the sun above >waiting for the moon >The old accordian playing >a sentimental tune > >Cruising down the river >on a Sunday afternoon >The birds above all sing of love, >a gentle sweet refrain > >The winds around all make a sound >like softly falling rain >Just two of us together, >we'll plan a honeymoon >Cruising down the river >on a Sunday afternoon

hehehehehehehhehe Pj (peege) ----- Original Message ----- From: "Kath" <mzmouser@home.com> To: <FOLKLORE-L@rootsweb.com> Sent: Saturday, May 19, 2001 4:56 AM Subject: [FOLKLORE FAMILY] Wedding Day > with June just around the corner......... <G> > kath > > > > Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered > to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" > > "Because white is the color of happiness and today is the > happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping > it simple. > > The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why's > the groom wearing black?" > > > > > > > ==== FOLKLORE Mailing List ==== > folk·lore 1. traditional customs, tales, sayings, dances, or > art forms preserved among a people 2 : a branch of knowledge that > deals with folklore 3 : an often unsupported notion, story, or > saying that is widely circulated Merriam-Webster >

LOL, Good one. I was able to get the punch line the first time reading it through. Usually, I have to study and ask questions. Thanks, Elsie At 12:26 AM 5/21/01 -0400, you wrote: >THE CRAZY CHOIR > >It was visitor's day at the lunatic asylum. > >All the inmates were standing in the courtyard and singing "Ave Maria" >and singing it beautifully. Oddly, each of them was holding a red apple >in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil. > >A visitor listened in wonderment to the performance and then approached >the conductor of the choir. "I am a retired choir director," he said. > >"This is one of the best choirs I have ever heard." > >"Yes, I'm very proud of them," said the conductor. > >"You should take them on tour," said the visitor, "what are they >called?" > >"Surely that's obvious," replied the conductor. "They are the Moron >Tapanapple Choir."

BOYS AND TOYS Every day Little Johnny walks home from school past a 4th grade girl's house. One day he is carrying a football and he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says, "Hey Mary! See this football? Football is a boy's game and girls can't have one!" Little Mary runs into the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. Her mother immediately runs out and buys the girl a football. The next day, Johnny is riding home on his bike and Little Mary shows him the football and yells, "Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!" Little Johnny gets mad and points to his bike. "See this bike? This is a boy's bike and girls can't have 'em!" The next day, Johnny comes by and little Mary is riding a new boy's bike. Now he is really mad. So he immediately drops his pants, points at his most private of private parts and says, "You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and not even YOUR mother can go out and buy you one!" The next day as Johnny passes the house he asks little Mary, "Well, what do you have to say NOW?" She pulls up her dress and replies, "My mother told me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!" O *    O *O    *   O O *      * O <º)(((((~((((((>>>< * <º)((((~((((>< kissy_fishy