Hmmmmmm, would it work for spam??? peace. chirho At 01:18 AM 11/10/97 -0800, another list wrote: >Ways To Rid Yourself of >Telemarketing > >1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy >and you could sure use some money. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I >have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before >my bankruptcy?" > >2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to >know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to >care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, >my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...." When they get try to get back >to the sales process, just continue on with telling about your problems. > >3. If the person says he's Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask him to >spell their name, then ask them to spell the company name, then ask them >where it located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions >about their company for as long as necessary. > >4. This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is >Judy and I'm with Canter and Siegel services.... You: "Hang on a >second." (few seconds pause) "Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are >you wearing?" > >5. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy!! >Is this really you? Oh, my God! Judy, how have you BEEN?" Hopefully, >this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure >out where the hell she could know you from. > >6. Say, "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and >keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun >if you can keep going until they hang up. > >7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends >plan, reply, in a sinister a voice as you can muster, "I don't have any >friends...would you be my friend?" > >8. If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about >goat blood or HUMAN blood - chicken blood too?" > >9. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary >feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or, "That's >fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. >They get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn't give your credit >card number to someone who's a complete stranger. > >10. Tell them you work for the same company they work for. Example: >Telemarketer: "This is Bill from Watertronics." You: "Watertronics!! >Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?" Telemarketer: >"Uh, Dallas, Texas." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's >business/the weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling >to employees! Oh well, see ya." > >11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the >receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh, my God!!!" and then hang up. > >12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their >phone number you will call them back. If they say they are not allow to >give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell >them you will call them at home (this is usually the most effective >method of getting rid of Telemarketers). If the person says, "Well, I don't >really want to get a call at home," say, "Ya! Now you know how I feel >smiling of course... > >[If nothing else, just thinking of this list the next time one calls you, you >may begin to laugh out loud, which is sure to upset their concentration. Anne Boyes boyes@gardener.com http://www.geocities.com/~hoseahouse/genealogy/