At 12:12 AM 10/30/97 -0500,another list wrote: >REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 30, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations >made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today >that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States >of America for an undisclosed sum. > >"It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth", said >Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a positive >arrangement for everyone". Microsoft representatives held a briefing >in the oval office of the White House with U.S. President Bill >Clinton, and assured members of the press that changes will be >"minimal". The United States will be managed as a wholly owned >division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is planned for July >of next year, and the federal government is expected to be profitable >by "Q4 1999 at latest", according to Microsoft president Steve Ballmer. > >In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly >and enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president with >Microsoft, and will continue to manage the United States government, >reporting directly to Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up >the mantle of executive authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and >referred to it as "a relief". He went on to say that Gates has a >"proven track record", and that U.S. citizens should offer Gates their >"full support and confidence". Clinton will reportedly be earning >several times the $200,000 annually he has earned as U.S. president, >in his new role at Microsoft. > >Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond >as "silly", though did say that he would make executive decisions for >the U.S. government from his existing office at Microsoft >headquarters. Gates went on to say that the House and Senate would >"of >course" be abolished. "Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed, "and >look how well we're doing". > >When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was >proceeding, Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking >place". Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating >that United States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, >increases in government services and discounts on all Microsoft >products. > >About Microsoft. Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the >worldwide leader in software for personal computers, and democratic >government. The company offers a wide range of products and services >for public, business and personal use, each designed with the mission >of making it easier and more enjoyable for people to take advantage of >the full power of personal computing and free society every day. > >About the United States Founded in 1789, the United States of America >is the most successful nation in the history of the world, and has >been a beacon of democracy and opportunity for over 200 years. >Headquartered in Washington, D.C., the United States is a wholly owned >subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation. > Anne Boyes boyes@gardener.com http://www.geocities.com/~hoseahouse/genealogy/