It's quite simple really, some relatives say, oh how interesting that you are doing this, yes please give us the information, but when they receive the information. . . it becomes difficult. Not pleasant being the messenger who sometimes get shot for turning up stones. Carolyn On 3-Aug-08, at 1:59 PM, David Turnidge wrote: > I'm sorry but I am really struggling to imagine how someone with > absolutely no interest in researching their family history would be > seriously upset if they found out how one of their ancestors, about > whom they have no interest, died. > > Genealogy is the study of births marriages and deaths if you study > births and marriages, you have to also study deaths. > > David Turnidge > ----- Original Message ----- > From: J K gen > To: David Turnidge > Cc: essex-uk@rootsweb.com > Sent: Sunday, August 03, 2008 3:41 PM > Subject: Re: [Ess] Details on Certificates > > > I would agree if this was all about choice, but it isn't. You may > choose to lift the stone, but what about information going to > someone who didn't make that choice? Aren't their rights not to be > respected at all? > JK > > > On Sun, Aug 3, 2008 at 8:17 AM, David Turnidge <david.turnidge@virgin.net > > wrote: > > This has been a very good discussion and just to throw in my > twopenneth, I > would like to say that Genealogy is a warts and all discovery > into our past. > > If we are not prepared to view what is under the stone we > shouldn't lift it. > > Most of us have been a lot more shocked over what we have > discovered about > our ancestors than just how they died. > > David Turnidge > South Woodham Ferrers > > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > Any problems, please contact the List Admin: Essex-UK-admin@rootsweb.com > ------------------------------- > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to ESSEX-UK-request@rootsweb.com > with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and > the body of the message

Surely if you explain to family members that they will get the whole package, warts and all they should be adult enough to make the decision for themselves. I come from Leigh on Sea and my family were fishermen. dozens of them were drowned. If people are going to get squeamish about how someone dies what will they be like when you tell reveal the embarrassing stuff. I had some family members in USA who emailed me for information on their grand mother who was born in England. I asked them if they wanted all the details and they said yes. I sent them a copy of her birth certificate and they replied saying thank you very much but why is the surname the same as her mothers and no father listed. Well................ They never contacted me again, but as I said earlier, if you're not prepared for the worst, don't do it. David Turnidge ----- Original Message ----- From: "Carolyn Perkes" <cperkes@videotron.ca> To: <essex-uk@rootsweb.com> Sent: Sunday, August 03, 2008 11:27 PM Subject: Re: [Ess] Details on Certificates > It's quite simple really, some relatives say, oh how interesting that > you are doing this, yes please give us the information, but when they > receive the information. . . it becomes difficult. > > Not pleasant being the messenger who sometimes get shot for turning up > stones. > > Carolyn > > > On 3-Aug-08, at 1:59 PM, David Turnidge wrote: > >> I'm sorry but I am really struggling to imagine how someone with >> absolutely no interest in researching their family history would be >> seriously upset if they found out how one of their ancestors, about >> whom they have no interest, died. >> >> Genealogy is the study of births marriages and deaths if you study >> births and marriages, you have to also study deaths. >> >> David Turnidge >> ----- Original Message ----- >> From: J K gen >> To: David Turnidge >> Cc: essex-uk@rootsweb.com >> Sent: Sunday, August 03, 2008 3:41 PM >> Subject: Re: [Ess] Details on Certificates >> >> >> I would agree if this was all about choice, but it isn't. You may >> choose to lift the stone, but what about information going to >> someone who didn't make that choice? Aren't their rights not to be >> respected at all? >> JK >> >> >> On Sun, Aug 3, 2008 at 8:17 AM, David Turnidge >> <david.turnidge@virgin.net >> > wrote: >> >> This has been a very good discussion and just to throw in my >> twopenneth, I >> would like to say that Genealogy is a warts and all discovery >> into our past. >> >> If we are not prepared to view what is under the stone we >> shouldn't lift it. >> >> Most of us have been a lot more shocked over what we have >> discovered about >> our ancestors than just how they died. >> >> David Turnidge >> South Woodham Ferrers >> >> >> >> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >> Any problems, please contact the List Admin: Essex-UK-admin@rootsweb.com >> ------------------------------- >> To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to >> ESSEX-UK-request@rootsweb.com >> with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and >> the body of the message > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > Any problems, please contact the List Admin: Essex-UK-admin@rootsweb.com > ------------------------------- > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to > ESSEX-UK-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the > quotes in the subject and the body of the message >

Forgot to add this to my earlier reply, but there's also an element of reminding people of their own mortality. If it's happened to their ancestors then there's the "then it can happen to me" aspect, particularly with hereditary conditions. We as genealogists are somewhat desensitised to it from looking at so many death records I guess. T David Turnidge wrote: > Surely if you explain to family members that they will get the whole > package, warts and all they should be adult enough to make the decision for > themselves. > > I come from Leigh on Sea and my family were fishermen. dozens of them were > drowned. > > If people are going to get squeamish about how someone dies what will they > be like when you tell reveal the embarrassing stuff. > > I had some family members in USA who emailed me for information on their > grand mother who was born in England. I asked them if they wanted all the > details and they said yes. I sent them a copy of her birth certificate and > they replied saying thank you very much but why is the surname the same as > her mothers and no father listed. > > Well................ > > They never contacted me again, but as I said earlier, if you're not prepared > for the worst, don't do it. > > David Turnidge > > ----- Original Message ----- > From: "Carolyn Perkes" <cperkes@videotron.ca> > To: <essex-uk@rootsweb.com> > Sent: Sunday, August 03, 2008 11:27 PM > Subject: Re: [Ess] Details on Certificates > > > >> It's quite simple really, some relatives say, oh how interesting that >> you are doing this, yes please give us the information, but when they >> receive the information. . . it becomes difficult. >> >> Not pleasant being the messenger who sometimes get shot for turning up >> stones. >> >> Carolyn >> >> >> On 3-Aug-08, at 1:59 PM, David Turnidge wrote: >> >> >>> I'm sorry but I am really struggling to imagine how someone with >>> absolutely no interest in researching their family history would be >>> seriously upset if they found out how one of their ancestors, about >>> whom they have no interest, died. >>> >>> Genealogy is the study of births marriages and deaths if you study >>> births and marriages, you have to also study deaths. >>> >>> David Turnidge >>> ----- Original Message ----- >>> From: J K gen >>> To: David Turnidge >>> Cc: essex-uk@rootsweb.com >>> Sent: Sunday, August 03, 2008 3:41 PM >>> Subject: Re: [Ess] Details on Certificates >>> >>> >>> I would agree if this was all about choice, but it isn't. You may >>> choose to lift the stone, but what about information going to >>> someone who didn't make that choice? Aren't their rights not to be >>> respected at all? >>> JK >>> >>> >>> On Sun, Aug 3, 2008 at 8:17 AM, David Turnidge >>> <david.turnidge@virgin.net >>> >>>> wrote: >>>> >>> This has been a very good discussion and just to throw in my >>> twopenneth, I >>> would like to say that Genealogy is a warts and all discovery >>> into our past. >>> >>> If we are not prepared to view what is under the stone we >>> shouldn't lift it. >>> >>> Most of us have been a lot more shocked over what we have >>> discovered about >>> our ancestors than just how they died. >>> >>> David Turnidge >>> South Woodham Ferrers >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >>> Any problems, please contact the List Admin: Essex-UK-admin@rootsweb.com >>> ------------------------------- >>> To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to >>> ESSEX-UK-request@rootsweb.com >>> with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and >>> the body of the message >>> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >> Any problems, please contact the List Admin: Essex-UK-admin@rootsweb.com >> ------------------------------- >> To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to >> ESSEX-UK-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the >> quotes in the subject and the body of the message >> >> > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > Any problems, please contact the List Admin: Essex-UK-admin@rootsweb.com > ------------------------------- > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to ESSEX-UK-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message > >

David Turnidge wrote: > Surely if you explain to family members that they will get the whole > package, warts and all they should be adult enough to make the decision for > themselves. > > I come from Leigh on Sea and my family were fishermen. dozens of them were > drowned. > > If people are going to get squeamish about how someone dies what will they > be like when you tell reveal the embarrassing stuff. I totally agree with everything you've said. I don't agree with Tony that we've become desensitised either. It's my belief that we are more aware of the falability and fragility of the human race. If we've de- anything, we've desantised the past. It wasn't all cushy and sweet. The country idyll, for the majority, was anything but. Our ancestors were human. They made mistakes. They lived, they struggled, they loved, they fought and they died - and they took death more in their stride than we do today. I'm not saying for one moment that a mother losing her newborn baby just shrugged her shoulders and got on with making the next one. She would have weeped and wailed. Her husband would have comforted her - and then they would have got on with life. They didn't have time to do anything else nor could they afford to. It wasn't all bleak and a hand to mouth struggle to survive for everyone either. People were hung or transported for, for what seems to us, trivial things (stealing a handkerchief or a loaf of bread) but that was the law of the land. There was a time when Australians were ashamed to have a convict in their family but now they are proud of that (if I've got that wrong, I'm sure our Australian members will correct me :)) ). Those who were transported often made good in their new land. Life happened and as genealogists and family historians we are more aware of that than much of the population.