We make many assumptions. In order to understand the customs in our ancestors time, we need to do documented research. I would recommend the web site - http://thewitness.org/archieve/april2000/marriage.html It explains the time between the promise made and the actual wedding. It would appear that the upper class did not consummate the union until after the wedding, while the lower classes did otherwise, in many cases. I had a great grandmother who had a daughter four years before she married. The husband was the father of that child. Obviously the child died, or disappeared, because they called their first child within the marriage the same first name. The child born outside the marriage had the father's sir name and was listed as the father. His brother and a neighbour were sponsors at the baptism. There were no remarks by the priest on the baptismal entry. My husbands great uncle was born three months before the marriage of the parents. Again, no offensive comments on the entry. Back then in the mid to late 1800's It appeared to be common enough in the Catholic church baptismal records. The above mentioned families were middle class,and would be seen as respectable in their community at the time. Class was denoted by the ownership of property, or professional qualifications. It would appear that the homes for unmarried mothers and the stigma attached to same brought about a change in the attitude of society. From what I have read, I have come to the conclusion (open to debate) that the clergy at the time began to crack the whip in an effort to reduce the births outside of marriage. The other influence was from the upper class, who did not approve. Having servant girls getting pregnant at the drop of a hat, (or should I say pants) was most inconvenient. This is an area in our social history of the past that needs a lot more research. I believed that all baptised adults and members of the Catholic faith who could provide proof that they were not already married to a living person were entitled to marry within the R.C. Church. I imagine it was the same in the Anglican Church. That was the purpose of letters of freedom or banns being read. Sorry for going on so long. Hope my discovery might help others. Betty Gough