JOB APPLICATION This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast food establishment. Apparently they hired him. NAME - Greg Bulmash DESIRED POSITION - Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY - $285,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer. Obviously I am a desperate man. EDUCATION - Yes. LAST POSITION HELD - Target for middle management hostility. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT - My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING - Fired for stealing pens and post-it notes. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS? Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes DO YOU SMOKE? Only when set on fire WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising"