l had a similar experience with a "new" cousin, with whom I shared information. After we had done so, I added her name to my notes, which I then sent her. She went off the deep end about privacy and betrayal of trust, even though they were private notes not intended for publication. l removed all trace in deference to her feelings. But we lost touch and it left a bad feeling.I'm over it now and as happy as ever to help and share privately. Hope you get past it soon to. Colin, Edinbugh. On Saturday, 4 January 2014, Colin Brown <colinbrown5059@gmail.com> wrote: > The majority of us are grateful for all the help we receive from our fellow > enthusiasts. Some folk can be difficult though, can't they? We don't know > what's going on in their lives so when they appear ungrateful or even rude > perhaps they need to be cut a little slack. Some years ago a correspondent > responded to my efforts by accusing me of being condescending (among other > things) so I wrote back and apologised assuring her I was only trying to > help. Apparently she was having a really bad time and was somewhat > over-sensitive. We had a really good chat after that. > > -----Original Message----- > From: bristol_and_somerset-bounces@rootsweb.com > [mailto:bristol_and_somerset-bounces@rootsweb.com] On Behalf Of Josephine > Jeremiah > Sent: 04 January 2014 12:23 > To: bristol_and_somerset@rootsweb.com > Subject: [B&S] A cautionary tale about helping with other people's family > history > > Hi Listers, > > In 2000, I corresponded with someone a number of times about their family > history. Back then there wasn't as much information available as there is > now, but I helped as much as I could. > > Subsequently, my correspondent put a message on rootsweb naming past family > members and asking for any information about them. This went into the > rootsweb archives and is available for anyone to see now or the future. > > By 2011, new family records had become available so I thought of my > correspondent and found three marriages, two births and two baptisms, which > I sent off plus details of a site where further information could be found > on 19th-century family members. > > I did not receive a reply at the time, but now nearly three years later I > have received one. > > It turns out that my correspondent, rather than being pleased with the new > information, was annoyed with me for 'checking' on these family members and > had decided not to contact me any more. > > So I am in a dilemma, now, concerning other requests for family history > information which I receive almost daily, off list, from people who have > found my posts in the rootsweb archives. > > I now feel I don't want to carry on helping people, but it's not in my > nature to be dismissive when someone, often a complete stranger, asks for > help. > > I have the added problem that my main computer which is used for research > and e-mail has broken down, yet again, after only a year's use. I'm > currently using an old and very noisy computer, which is also very slow and > liable to break down, too. > > It's a dilemma I'll have to work out for myself, I know, but in the meantime > I may not be helping out, as much as I formerly did. I think that I need to > take a break as this has caused me much distress. > > Josephine > > > ------------------------------- > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to > BRISTOL_AND_SOMERSET-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' > without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message > > > ------------------------------- > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to BRISTOL_AND_SOMERSET-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message >

On Sat, 04 Jan 2014 13:38:32 -0000, Salter, Colin <colin.salter@blueyonder.co.uk> wrote: > l had a similar experience with a "new" cousin, with whom I shared > information. After we had done so, I added her name to my notes, which I > then sent her. She went off the deep end about privacy and betrayal of > trust, even though they were private notes not intended for publication. > l removed all trace in deference to her feelings. But we lost touch and > it > left a bad feeling.I'm over it now and as happy as ever to help and share > privately. Hope you get past it soon to. Hi Colin, Thank you. I know I will get over my current feelings in time. It's sad to lose a friend or as in your case lose touch with a new cousin. I expect that you think of what you shared with your new cousin and what you could have shared if you'd stayed in touch. Perhaps, in time, she may make contact with you again. A new second cousin contacted me in the summer and revived my interest in my family history, which was dwindling in all the heat we experienced last year. It has been a pleasure to share what I know about our family and to discover new things about his side of the family. So, it's not all doom and gloom here. Josephine