On 18 Mar 2010 at 16:51, Adrian Bruce wrote: > <<snipped>> since it seems a ludicrous piece of nonsense on the part > of the bureaucrats to withold details of where someone was living and > who with more than 70 years ago. <<snipped>> > > Sorry - but I do not agree with this. We have no way of knowing > whether those people would have revealed these details to their family > and friends - they could have been living with someone, away from > home, and never have wished that information to come out. If they > didn't, we have no right to reveal it now while they are still alive. > > We all of us have heard of elderly relatives who go silent on certain > topics - we have no right to force their truth out behind their backs > while they can still be affected. > You will hardly be surprised to hear that I cannot agree with you. I consider that there is far too much paranoia in family history about the past and suppressing it very often does far more harm than revealing it. I will give you a classic example concerning myself..... When I first got into genealogy and family history over 35 years ago my mother, who was living with my wife and I, having been widowed for a second time, pleaded with my wife to try and get her to stop me! Why? Because she was terrified that I would discover (1) that I had been born before my parents were married, my father still being married at the time to his first wife; (2) that I had a half-sister whom my dad had fathered by another relationship. Inevitably, I ignored her pleadings and went ahead. Of course, I turned up the facts very quickly. My being born out of wedlock would scarcely turn a single hair today! My mother was horrified but I was far more angry when I discovered that not only she but my father's brother and two sisters, my uncle and aunts, had known all about my sister and had kept in touch with her, sending her birthday and Christmas presents, presumably as a means of expiating the family guilt. My half-sister and I did eventually meet when we were both in our 40s and since then we have built up a good relationship, even though she lives in Australia. She has stayed with us here in England and we have stayed with her in Oz. We have also been to family reunions together in America and Canada. She told me she had always known about me all her life but nobody had ever told me about her. The anger about being robbed of knowing my only sister for over half my life stayed with me for a very long time and I felt it hard to forgive my father and mother and his siblings, even though all were by then long dead. The guilt and shame felt by the older generations about family secrets is not necessarily a good thing at all. As family historians, we should be the very last people to apply self censorship and cover up unpleasant facts. A while ago I did a series on celebrity family trees for the magazine, Practical Family History, for which I still write most months. One of my subjects was Baroness Betty Betty Boothroyd, the former Speaker of the House of Commons. I discovered in my researches that her grandmother had had an illegitimate child before her marriage to Betty's grandfather. Very tentatively, I asked her whether I could mention it. Like the honest and down-to-earth Yorkshirewoman that she is, she snorted at me down the phone and said "Good lord, yes, tell it like it is, warts and all!" That is the kind of attitude I like to hear! I have little time for mealy-mouthed paranoia over things that happened a long time ago. Family history is about honesty and reporting facts as they were, however much it might upset great aunt Maude or whoever. -- Roy Stockdill Genealogical researcher, writer & lecturer Newbies' Guide to Genealogy & Family History: www.genuki.org.uk/gs/Newbie.html "There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about." OSCAR WILDE

Hi Roy, I'm with you! My husband growing up was often teased and called Jackson, having no idea why, and overheard his Aunt calling him "Joan's little bastard", but never knew anything about his father until I started delving into the family tree. His mother Joan who was not impressed with my sleuthing but finally understood our need to know, told us who his father was, my hubby was 39 and we had three children. Because of my delving we had the opportunity to meet his lovely grandmother before she died, his father, who came and stayed with us for a few weeks, his half brothers and sisters, and two beautiful Aunts! He now knows who he is. I think it is so much better to know where you came from, better or worse! Cheers Di Haywood Fremantle Western Australia.