1) Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex. 2) Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary. 3) The difference between the Pope and your boss: The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring. 4) My mind works like lightning: One brilliant flash and it's gone. 5) The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom. 6) I hate sex in the movies: Tried it once, the seat folded up, the drinks spilled, and that ice?? Well it really chilled her mood!!! 7) It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now of course, there's shipping and handling. 8) A husband is someone who after taking out the trash, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house. 9) My next house will have no kitchen--just vending machines and a large trash can. 10) The only thing wrong with a beautiful drive to work is that you still end up at work. 11) Americans are getting stronger. 50 years ago you needed a station wagon to hold $10.00 worth of groceries. 20 years ago it took two people to carry $10.00 worth of groceries. Now, a five year old can do it. 12) A blonde said: " I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, I was relieved when he said all I needed was turn signal fluid." 13) I'm so depressed.......My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building. 14) Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker, and Jimmy Swaggert have written a new impressive book.......It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People. Jack Childers in OKC International Society of BlackSheep Genealogists http://www.gbnf.com/genealogy/childers/html/surnames.htm "I've traveled a long way and some of the roads were not paved" Jaxone1234@msn.com