Well, it's just bothering me too much, so I have to ask for some advise on child rearing, again ! To begin with, a real can of worms, involving the children of a first marriage being resentful of their step father, saying things like, "You're not my father, I don't have to listen to you", "Mom, make a choice, us children or your new husband". I use to watch Sally and she had a lot of those segments on the show and I quit watching because she always seemed to back up the children, in effect saying that a mother should always go with her kids. Sorry, I do not agree. Secondly, related to the first paragraph above, is the situation of children running the show in their families. I seem to be surrounded by lots of families that allow the children to call the shots. Like in, a teenager captures the phone and when you call you cannot get through to a parent because the teenager says she is on another line and you will have to call back later and when I drive over there to tell the parents what is happening the parents grin like silly fools and say that the teenager is in love with the phone and they just can't get her off of it, and, children demanding they go to a skating rink even though the parents have said no a million times and the kids whine and cry and thrash around on the floor till the parents give in and take them skating, and, the small child saying to a visiting child you go home I don't like you any more and the parents backing that rude behavior up and making the visiting child go home, and, a child in a park at dark telling! the person coming to pick them up that they are not ready to go home and the picking up person just gulps and leaves them in the park. I know what I am talking about is lack of discipline and every parent sees discipline differently from any other parent, but it seems to be more than that. It just seems that I have a lot of families here that let the child dictate every waking movement of the family. Am I micro managing Kade's life when I expect to be the final authority in making decisions !?! Am I traumatizing her for life when I expect her to obey me and follow my orders ? Is this what causes parents to state, "Because I said so, that's why !!!", which is something I always thought was so wrong. I always give a reason why I say no, but Kade has picked up from other children that she can argue with me over it and by being bull headed she things she will cave me in and get her way. She sees her friends calling the shots in their families and thinks she can do the same here. And Jan G., it was the same in Iowa, California, Florida, Texas, Arkansas, Alabama, Missouri and Kansas, so its not an Oklahoma City problem I need to move from to get rid of !!! What set me off this morning was a call to the house where Kade spent the night. The teenager who has hijacked the phone system in the house answered out of a deep sleep and said she was still sleeping and couldn't get up to see if Kade was awake and ready to come home. Mind you, there are adults in the house and they have phones, but they don't answer the phone if the teenager is there for fear she will have emotional decline because she couldn't answer it. The teenager is afraid that if someone else answers the phone she will miss an important call from one of her friends. Fine, but if she is going to be the major domo of the phone line she should shoulder the responsibility of informing someone they had a phone call. Snot nosed little brat had the nerve to tell me "I,m still asleep and I won't get up to tramp all over the house to see who is still asleep or not". Wrong attitude or not, by golly if a child in my household ever told a caller that it would be years before they ever laid their hands on another telephone. Jack Childers in OKC International Society of BlackSheep Genealogists http://www.gbnf.com/genealogy/childers/html/surnames.htm "I've traveled a long way and some of the roads were not paved" Jaxone1234@msn.com

Jack What advice? Sounds like you just needed to vent. You are doing a great job with Kade, of course Kade is going to say well so and so does it. I remember telling my parents the same thing and my kids telling me the same thing and my grandkids telling their parents the same thing. Just be consistent and tell her why you are doing what you are doing. I never liked the, because I say so when I was a kid and didn't use it with my kids. Some people say I don't have to explain myself to my kids, well no you don't, but I think that the kids are smart and if you explain things they see things more clearly and they also see where you are coming from. Now they are still going to resent it, that's part of growing up, every kid needs to push the boundaries, and a lot of times they do that just to make sure you are still there for them and that you are consistent. Kids need consistency in their lives, they need a safe place, they need to know that they are loved, they do not need to be the adult, they do not need to be in charge, they still need to be kids. To many adults are letting the kids be the adults, letting them call the shots, that's just wrong. As far as Sally, I never did take what the talk shows say to heart, its entertainment, and not that good anyway. I'll take a good old comedy any day of the week. Whitewolf ----- Original Message ----- From: "JACK CHILDERS" <jaxone1234@msn.com> To: <BLACKSHEEP-CHAT-L@rootsweb.com> Sent: Sunday, May 19, 2002 8:40 AM Subject: [BSChat] I'M ON A RAMPAGE AGAIN ! > Well, it's just bothering me too much, so I have to ask for some advise on child rearing, again ! > > To begin with, a real can of worms, involving the children of a first marriage being resentful of their step father, saying things like, "You're not my father, I don't have to listen to you", "Mom, make a choice, us children or your new husband". I use to watch Sally and she had a lot of those segments on the show and I quit watching because she always seemed to back up the children, in effect saying that a mother should always go with her kids. Sorry, I do not agree. > > Secondly, related to the first paragraph above, is the situation of children running the show in their families. I seem to be surrounded by lots of families that allow the children to call the shots. Like in, a teenager captures the phone and when you call you cannot get through to a parent because the teenager says she is on another line and you will have to call back later and when I drive over there to tell the parents what is happening the parents grin like silly fools and say that the teenager is in love with the phone and they just can't get her off of it, and, children demanding they go to a skating rink even though the parents have said no a million times and the kids whine and cry and thrash around on the floor till the parents give in and take them skating, and, the small child saying to a visiting child you go home I don't like you any more and the parents backing that rude behavior up and making the visiting child go home, and, a child in a park at dark telling! > the person coming to pick them up that they are not ready to go home and the picking up person just gulps and leaves them in the park. > > I know what I am talking about is lack of discipline and every parent sees discipline differently from any other parent, but it seems to be more than that. It just seems that I have a lot of families here that let the child dictate every waking movement of the family. > > Am I micro managing Kade's life when I expect to be the final authority in making decisions !?! Am I traumatizing her for life when I expect her to obey me and follow my orders ? Is this what causes parents to state, "Because I said so, that's why !!!", which is something I always thought was so wrong. I always give a reason why I say no, but Kade has picked up from other children that she can argue with me over it and by being bull headed she things she will cave me in and get her way. She sees her friends calling the shots in their families and thinks she can do the same here. > > And Jan G., it was the same in Iowa, California, Florida, Texas, Arkansas, Alabama, Missouri and Kansas, so its not an Oklahoma City problem I need to move from to get rid of !!! > > What set me off this morning was a call to the house where Kade spent the night. The teenager who has hijacked the phone system in the house answered out of a deep sleep and said she was still sleeping and couldn't get up to see if Kade was awake and ready to come home. Mind you, there are adults in the house and they have phones, but they don't answer the phone if the teenager is there for fear she will have emotional decline because she couldn't answer it. The teenager is afraid that if someone else answers the phone she will miss an important call from one of her friends. Fine, but if she is going to be the major domo of the phone line she should shoulder the responsibility of informing someone they had a phone call. Snot nosed little brat had the nerve to tell me "I,m still asleep and I won't get up to tramp all over the house to see who is still asleep or not". > > Wrong attitude or not, by golly if a child in my household ever told a caller that it would be years before they ever laid their hands on another telephone. > > Jack Childers in OKC > International Society of BlackSheep Genealogists > http://www.gbnf.com/genealogy/childers/html/surnames.htm > "I've traveled a long way and some of the roads were not paved" > Jaxone1234@msn.com > > > ==== BLACKSHEEP-CHAT Mailing List ==== > Creative use of your delete key is encouraged. If you disagree with the subject, CHANGE the subject. > > ============================== > To join Ancestry.com and access our 1.2 billion online genealogy records, go to: > http://www.ancestry.com/rd/redir.asp?targetid=571&sourceid=1237 > >