Jack, I'll add one more thing to what the others have said (and I agree with them that you seem to be doing an excellent job with Kade). I watched my mother's family from the prospect of a child growing up. My mother was the eldest of 13 children, and when her mother died, not only was she grown & out of the house, but all 12 others as well. My poor grandfather was very lonely, and started dating again after a respectable amount of time. His children were LIVID! After he had been going with one of the ladies for several months, he decided he would re-marry. My grandmother had been deceased for over 5 years. His 13 children FORBID their father to remarry. The poor man listened to them, broke off his relationship, and lived alone & lonely for an additional 13 years! When my boys were growing up I attempted to tell them my reasoning for all the decisions I made regarding their welfare. The teen years were particularly rough, because they were "feeling me out". I never used the line "because I said so", instead, when they were attempting to be as unreasonable as possible, I simply said that altho they were underage, if they felt they could do a better job of raising themselves than I could of raising them, then they were welcome to pack their things and leave, but to not expect any assistance from me in the future, because they would be breaking my heart. One of the two said "well, since I'm underage, the police will MAKE you help me out & take me back". I said "no, they won't, because if it comes to that I'll give my parental rights to the state, so they can put you in foster care". He never argued with me again, and was 25 years old before he decided to move out! Mike IBSSG > [Original Message] > From: JACK CHILDERS <jaxone1234@msn.com> > To: <BLACKSHEEP-CHAT-L@rootsweb.com> > Date: 5/19/2002 10:42:20 AM > Subject: [BSChat] I'M ON A RAMPAGE AGAIN ! > > Well, it's just bothering me too much, so I have to ask for some advise on child rearing, again ! > > To begin with, a real can of worms, involving the children of a first marriage being resentful of their step father, saying things like, "You're not my father, I don't have to listen to you", "Mom, make a choice, us children or your new husband". I use to watch Sally and she had a lot of those segments on the show and I quit watching because she always seemed to back up the children, in effect saying that a mother should always go with her kids. Sorry, I do not agree. > > Secondly, related to the first paragraph above, is the situation of children running the show in their families. I seem to be surrounded by lots of families that allow the children to call the shots. Like in, a teenager captures the phone and when you call you cannot get through to a parent because the teenager says she is on another line and you will have to call back later and when I drive over there to tell the parents what is happening the parents grin like silly fools and say that the teenager is in love with the phone and they just can't get her off of it, and, children demanding they go to a skating rink even though the parents have said no a million times and the kids whine and cry and thrash around on the floor till the parents give in and take them skating, and, the small child saying to a visiting child you go home I don't like you any more and the parents backing that rude behavior up and making the visiting child go home, and, a child in a park at dark telling! > the person coming to pick them up that they are not ready to go home and the picking up person just gulps and leaves them in the park. > > I know what I am talking about is lack of discipline and every parent sees discipline differently from any other parent, but it seems to be more than that. It just seems that I have a lot of families here that let the child dictate every waking movement of the family. > > Am I micro managing Kade's life when I expect to be the final authority in making decisions !?! Am I traumatizing her for life when I expect her to obey me and follow my orders ? Is this what causes parents to state, "Because I said so, that's why !!!", which is something I always thought was so wrong. I always give a reason why I say no, but Kade has picked up from other children that she can argue with me over it and by being bull headed she things she will cave me in and get her way. She sees her friends calling the shots in their families and thinks she can do the same here. > > And Jan G., it was the same in Iowa, California, Florida, Texas, Arkansas, Alabama, Missouri and Kansas, so its not an Oklahoma City problem I need to move from to get rid of !!! > > What set me off this morning was a call to the house where Kade spent the night. The teenager who has hijacked the phone system in the house answered out of a deep sleep and said she was still sleeping and couldn't get up to see if Kade was awake and ready to come home. Mind you, there are adults in the house and they have phones, but they don't answer the phone if the teenager is there for fear she will have emotional decline because she couldn't answer it. The teenager is afraid that if someone else answers the phone she will miss an important call from one of her friends. Fine, but if she is going to be the major domo of the phone line she should shoulder the responsibility of informing someone they had a phone call. Snot nosed little brat had the nerve to tell me "I,m still asleep and I won't get up to tramp all over the house to see who is still asleep or not". > > Wrong attitude or not, by golly if a child in my household ever told a caller that it would be years before they ever laid their hands on another telephone. > > Jack Childers in OKC > International Society of BlackSheep Genealogists > http://www.gbnf.com/genealogy/childers/html/surnames.htm > "I've traveled a long way and some of the roads were not paved" > Jaxone1234@msn.com > > > ==== BLACKSHEEP-CHAT Mailing List ==== > Creative use of your delete key is encouraged. If you disagree with the subject, CHANGE the subject. > > ============================== > To join Ancestry.com and access our 1.2 billion online genealogy records, go to: > http://www.ancestry.com/rd/redir.asp?targetid=571&sourceid=1237 --- Shuler Michael --- grinch42@mindspring.com --- EarthLink: The #1 provider of the Real Internet.