Hi I need someone to give me some idea of where I go from here – OR - if I do? My grandmother found she was pregnant just after my grandfather left for the WW1. The story goes that his commanding officer refused to let them marry by proxy as he said that some women were only saying they were pregnant so they could get part of the army pay. My grandmother went to the city to have the baby and gave the child to some friends to bring up. Thirteen months after my grandfather’s return they married – I have no idea if they saw each other as soon as he got home or not, or whether they met up again at a later date, nor if they corresponded while he was away. I can’t ask the family any of these questions and I am purposely not using names here. What we were originally told gave a very rosy slant on the whole thing – love prevailing through all hardships - families survive etc - but was only told because of questions that were asked. Then, so the story is told, they went to the family who were looking after their child, who was by now 3 and a half , but didn’t have the heart to take the child back as the friends had been so good - OR - did this part really happen at all - what would the rest of their family think - as they knew nothing of this - (this is me being cynical here – maybe because when I was expecting my first child with my now husband whom I was living with at the time, I received a letter from her telling me I had brought the family into disrepute – hypocritical to say the least). The child was told she was adopted and knew who her parents were and even went to live with the family for several years at one stage but was forbidden to tell her siblings - they were all told she was a cousin! My father didn’t find out until he was in his fifties and he along with his brothers and sisters were devastated – could not believe they were never told. None of them ever really got over it and all felt really sorry for their sister. NOW along comes me researching the family history – this story I already knew BUT purely by accident when looking up the bdms I find my grandmother had another child born in 1917 - and this one is definitely not my grandfather’s as he was away at war – this came as a big shock to me. I wonder if my grandfather ever knew of this child, obviously no one else does. At this stage I have not told my father or his siblings of my find - I feel it would cause too much pain. The only way I would consider telling them was if I could locate this man and it was beneficial to all. If he is still alive - he would now be 89 - so I know the chances are not great. I have searched the bdms for him - a marriage or a death and drawn a blank - of course either of these events may be outside the searchable years. I have checked the phone directory and there are several with the same first initial - but for obvious reasons I can’t just go picking up the phone. He must have been given away also - maybe his name was changed – if so, have I any hope of ever finding him? I have read that formal adoption didn’t commence until 1928 - when this happened is there any chance previous adoptions may have been formalized? Is there anywhere to go from here? Or do I just let sleeping dogs lie? Your thoughts would be appreciated. Sorry this has been so long winded.