Hi Cheryl, Unfortunately no one can really answer your question for you. We are not in your situation - no this is not a cop out. Follow your instincts. You could always leave it for the next generation of researchers so that the people involved are all dead, just make sure that you write down everything that you have been told. I am not fond of that one myself as then there are no one who can answer your questions - assuming that they will. I came into famliy history reasearch by accident. My father asked me to help him as he was no longer able to keep up his reasearch as my stepmother had suffered a stroke and needed a great deal of care. Before agreeing to help him I told him that I would keep digging (curiousity being my besetting sin) and that there were no doubt things in the family tree that he would rather not know. He agreed and now I am sure he may regret it at times. It appears that his oldest brother was probably his half brother and his parents did not marry until 4 years after his birth with my grandmother pregnant with her second child. Dad knows and is a bit shocked and has asked me not to tell my cousin, who is the only surviving child of my uncle, as it would devistate her. I have agreed. Knowing and telling are two different things. Everything is included in my research so I am not burying it either. My mothers side has a "ringer" as my her brother says. It seems that while the husband was off at war his wife became pregnant with a child that could not be his as she hadn't seen him for nearly 12 months. However when her husband returned the child was accepted as one of their brood and raised with all the others. Rather different outcome from yours I know. The point is that every family has these stories. People are people. I am fairly sure that my grandmother's half sister who is still living is aware of what has happened and she flatly refuses to talk about it. When she is dead there will be no one to ask. A possible solution for your 89 yr old. If you know the surname check the electoral rolls. Good luck with making what is going to be a difficult decision. Tia McCombes ----- Original Message ---- From: Cheryl Reed <reedcheryl@optusnet.com.au> To: AUS-VIC-NE@rootsweb.com Sent: Sunday, 11 February, 2007 9:48:45 AM Subject: [AVNE] Do I let sleeping dogs lie ?? Hi I need someone to give me some idea of where I go from here – OR - if I do? My grandmother found she was pregnant just after my grandfather left for the WW1. The story goes that his commanding officer refused to let them marry by proxy as he said that some women were only saying they were pregnant so they could get part of the army pay. My grandmother went to the city to have the baby and gave the child to some friends to bring up. Thirteen months after my grandfather’s return they married – I have no idea if they saw each other as soon as he got home or not, or whether they met up again at a later date, nor if they corresponded while he was away. I can’t ask the family any of these questions and I am purposely not using names here. What we were originally told gave a very rosy slant on the whole thing – love prevailing through all hardships - families survive etc - but was only told because of questions that were asked. Then, so the story is told, they went to the family who were looking after their child, who was by now 3 and a half , but didn’t have the heart to take the child back as the friends had been so good - OR - did this part really happen at all - what would the rest of their family think - as they knew nothing of this - (this is me being cynical here – maybe because when I was expecting my first child with my now husband whom I was living with at the time, I received a letter from her telling me I had brought the family into disrepute – hypocritical to say the least). The child was told she was adopted and knew who her parents were and even went to live with the family for several years at one stage but was forbidden to tell her siblings - they were all told she was a cousin! My father didn’t find out until he was in his fifties and he along with his brothers and sisters were devastated – could not believe they were never told. None of them ever really got over it and all felt really sorry for their sister. NOW along comes me researching the family history – this story I already knew BUT purely by accident when looking up the bdms I find my grandmother had another child born in 1917 - and this one is definitely not my grandfather’s as he was away at war – this came as a big shock to me. I wonder if my grandfather ever knew of this child, obviously no one else does. At this stage I have not told my father or his siblings of my find - I feel it would cause too much pain. The only way I would consider telling them was if I could locate this man and it was beneficial to all. If he is still alive - he would now be 89 - so I know the chances are not great. I have searched the bdms for him - a marriage or a death and drawn a blank - of course either of these events may be outside the searchable years. I have checked the phone directory and there are several with the same first initial - but for obvious reasons I can’t just go picking up the phone. He must have been given away also - maybe his name was changed – if so, have I any hope of ever finding him? I have read that formal adoption didn’t commence until 1928 - when this happened is there any chance previous adoptions may have been formalized? Is there anywhere to go from here? Or do I just let sleeping dogs lie? Your thoughts would be appreciated. Sorry this has been so long winded. ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to AUS-VIC-NE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message Send instant messages to your online friends http://au.messenger.yahoo.com