Hi Cheryl There are two stories I can tell you of my own experiences - the first involves a lady in her late 70s who knew she had an older sister, adopted out at her father's insistance when he married her mother. This lady sought my help to find her sister, tracing her through NZ BDMs through adoption and marriage (they do not restrict access by date). Eventually when I was sure I had located her, and had her phone number, I was asked to make the first contact, in case her sister did not want to speak to her. The outcome was two older ladies who had the joy of meeting, introducing their families to one another, and three months of joyful catching up on 70 plus years of separation before the older sister died. The second story happened when in the 1960s - I was just starting to trace mine & my husband's family histories. In his family I found in my search through BDMs that his maternal great grandparents had not married until the year his parents married. I shared this information with him - and all hell broke loose. He told his siblings who in turn brought it up with their mother and grandmother (who had no knowledge of it). Within weeks the old lady died, and yours truly was blamed for her death, for finding this skeleton in the family closet. It appears that Gran did not know that she was illegimitate when she married in 1901. She feared that this made all her children illegimate also. I was upset when Gran died, and I trust that it was just an accident of timing, but my intention was just to tell my husband and not the whole wider family. >From that point I was persona non gratia in the family, and within two years my marriage had broken up! Certainly a drastic outcome! My advice would be - put the information into the family tree for future generations, but be careful and very sure of those you share it with in the older generation if you decide to take that step. Hope this helps, Rosalyn Hi I need someone to give me some idea of where I go from here – OR - if I do? My grandmother found she was pregnant just after my grandfather left for the WW1. The story goes that his commanding officer refused to let them marry by proxy as he said that some women were only saying they were pregnant so they could get part of the army pay. My grandmother went to the city to have the baby and gave the child to some friends to bring up. Thirteen months after my grandfather’s return they married – I have no idea if they saw each other as soon as he got home or not, or whether they met up again at a later date, nor if they corresponded while he was away. I can’t ask the family any of these questions and I am purposely not using names here. What we were originally told gave a very rosy slant on the whole thing – love prevailing through all hardships - families survive etc - but was only told because of questions that were asked. Then, so the story is told, they went to the family who were looking after their child, who was by now 3 and a half , but didn’t have the heart to take the child back as the friends had been so good - OR - did this part really happen at all - what would the rest of their family think - as they knew nothing of this - (this is me being cynical here – maybe because when I was expecting my first child with my now husband whom I was living with at the time, I received a letter from her telling me I had brought the family into disrepute – hypocritical to say the least). The child was told she was adopted and knew who her parents were and even went to live with the family for several years at one stage but was forbidden to tell her siblings - they were all told she was a cousin! My father didn’t find out until he was in his fifties and he along with his brothers and sisters were devastated – could not believe they were never told. None of them ever really got over it and all felt really sorry for their sister. NOW along comes me researching the family history – this story I already knew BUT purely by accident when looking up the bdms I find my grandmother had another child born in 1917 - and this one is definitely not my grandfather’s as he was away at war – this came as a big shock to me. I wonder if my grandfather ever knew of this child, obviously no one else does. At this stage I have not told my father or his siblings of my find - I feel it would cause too much pain. The only way I would consider telling them was if I could locate this man and it was beneficial to all. If he is still alive - he would now be 89 - so I know the chances are not great. I have searched the bdms for him - a marriage or a death and drawn a blank - of course either of these events may be outside the searchable years. I have checked the phone directory and there are several with the same first initial - but for obvious reasons I can’t just go picking up the phone. He must have been given away also - maybe his name was changed – if so, have I any hope of ever finding him? I have read that formal adoption didn’t commence until 1928 - when this happened is there any chance previous adoptions may have been formalized? Is there anywhere to go from here? Or do I just let sleeping dogs lie? Your thoughts would be appreciated. Sorry this has been so long winded. ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to AUS-VIC-NE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message