I thought this was cute. >>Subject: Fwd: Noah's Story >> >> >> >>IF NOAH HAD LIVED IN THE UNITED STATES IN THE YEAR 2002, HIS STORY MAY >>HAVE >>GONE SOMETHING LIKE >>THIS................ >> >>AND THE LORD SPOKE TO NOAH, AND SAID, IN ONE YEAR, I AM GOING TO MAKE >>IT >>RAIN AND THE RAIN SHALL NOT STOP >>UNTIL IT SUBMERGES THE ENTIRE EARTH AND ALL LIVING FLESH IS DESTROYED. >>BECAUSE OF THIS, I WANT YOU TO >>SAVE THE RIGHTEOUS PEOPLE AND TWO OF EVERY LIVING SPECIES ON EARTH. >>THEREFORE, I AM COMMANDING YOU TO >>BUILD AN ARK. >> >>IN A FLASH OF LIGHTNING, GOD DELIVERED THE SPECIFICATIONS FOR AN ARK. >>DAUNTED BY THIS TASK, BUT RESPECTFULOF GOD'S WISHES, >>NOAH TOOK THE PLANS AND AGREED TO BUILD THE ARK. REMEMBER, SAID THE >>LORD, >>YOU MUST COMPLETE THE ARK AND >>FILL IT IN ONE YEARS TIME. >> >>EXACTLY A YEAR LATER, FIERCE STORM CLOUDS COVERED THE EARTH AND ALL THE >>SEAS >>OF THE EARTH WENT INTO TUMULT. >>THE LORD SAW THAT NOAH WAS SITTING IN HIS FRONT YARD WEEPING. "NOAH!" >>HE >>SHOUTED. "WHERE IS THE ARK?" >>"LORD, PLEASE FORGIVE ME", CRIED NOAH. "I DID MY BEST, BUT THERE WERE >>BIG >>PROBLEMS. >> >>"FIRST, I HAD TO GET A PERMIT FOR CONSTRUCTION AND YOUR PLANS DID NOT >>MEET >>THE BUILDING CODES. >>"I HAD TO HIRE AN ENGINEERING FIRM AND REDRAW THE PLANS. "THEN I GOT >>INTO A >>FIGHT WITH OSHA OVER WHETHER OR NOT >>THE ARK NEEDED A SPRINKLER SYSTEM AND APPROVED FLOATATION DEVICES. >>"THEN, >>MY NEIGHBOR OBJECTED, CLAIMING I WAS VIOLATING >>ZONING ORDINANCES BY BUILDING THE ARK IN MY FRONT YARD. SO I HAD TO >>GET A >>VARIANCE FROM THE CITY PLANNING COMMISSION. >>"THEN, I HAD PROBLEMS GETTING ENOUGH WOOD FOR THE ARK, BECAUSE THERE >>WAS A >>BAN ON CUTTING TREES TO PROTECT >>THE SPOTTED OWL. I FINALLY CONVINCED THE U.S. FOREST SERVICE THAT I >>REALLY >>NEEDED THE WOOD TO SAVE THE OWLS. >>HOWEVER, THE FISH AND WILDLIFE SERVICE WON'T LET ME TAKE THE 2 OWLS. >> >>"THE CARPENTERS FORMED A UNION AND WENT ON STRIKE. I HAD TO NEGOTIATE >>A >>SETTLEMENT WITH THE NATIONAL LABOR >>RELATIONS BOARD BEFORE ANYONE WOULD PICK UP A SAW OR HAMMER. NOW, I >>HAVE 16 >>CARPENTERS ON THE ARK, BUT >>STILL NO OWLS. >> >>"WHEN I STARTED ROUNDING UP THE ANIMALS, AN ANIMAL RIGHTS GROUP SUED >>ME. >>THEY OBJECTED TO ME ONLY TAKING >>TWO OF EACH KIND ABOARD. THIS SUIT IS PENDING. >> >>"MEANWHILE, THE EPA NOTIFIED ME THAT I COULD NOT COMPLETE THE ARK >>WITHOUT >>FILING AN ENVIRONMENTAL >>IMPACT STATEMENT ON YOUR PROPOSED FLOOD. THEY DIDN'T TAKE VERY KINDLY >>TO THE >>IDEA THAT THEY HAD NO >>JURISDICTION OVER THE CONDUCT OF THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE. >> >>"THEN, THE ARMY CORPS OF ENGINEERS DEMANDED A MAP OF THE PROPOSED >>FLOOD >>PLAIN. I SENT THEM A GLOBE. >>"RIGHT NOW, I AM TRYING TO RESOLVE A COMPLAINT FILED WITH THE EQUAL >>EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY COMMISSION THAT >>I AM PRACTICING DISCRIMINATION BY NOT TAKING ATHEISTS ABOARD. >> >>"THE IRS HAS SEIZED MY ASSETS, CLAIMING THAT I'M BUILDING THE ARK IN >>PREPARATION TO FLEE THE COUNTRY TO >>AVOID PAYING TAXES. >> >>"I JUST GOT A NOTICE FROM THE STATE THAT I OWE THEM SOME KIND OF USER >>TAX >>AND FAILED TO REGISTER THE ARK >>AS A RECREATIONAL WATER CRAFT."AND, FINALLY, THE ACLU GOT THE COURT TO >>ISSUE >>AN >>INJUNCTION AGAINST FURTHER CONSTRUCTION OF THE ARK, SAYING THAT SINCE >>GOD IS >>FLOODING THE EARTH, IT'S A >>RELIGIOUS EVENT, AND, THEREFORE UNCONSTITUTIONAL. "I REALLY DON'T >>THINK I >>CAN FINISH THE ARK FOR ANOTHER >>FIVE OR SIX YEARS." >> >>NOAH WAITED. >> >>THE SKY BEGAN TO CLEAR, THE SUN BEGAN TO SHINE, AND >>THE SEAS BEGAN TO CALM. A RAINBOW ARCED ACROSS THE >>SKY. NOAH LOOKED UP HOPEFULLY. >>"YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DESTROY THE EARTH, LORD?" >>"NO," HE SAID SADLY. "I DON'T HAVE TO. THE >>GOVERNMENT ALREADY HAS." > > > _________________________________________________________________ Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com