> 25 things you should have learned by now: > > 1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out. > > 2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. > > 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than > >      standing  in a garage makes you a car. > > 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. > > 5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never > >     tried before. > > 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. > > 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. > > 8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. > > 9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. > > 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. > > 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. > > 12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good. > > 13. Eat well, stay fit, and die anyway. > > 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. > > 15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes. > > 16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. > > 17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of > >       the waist change places. > > 18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. > > 19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away > >       three weeks before you need it. > > 20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. > > 21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a >       mistake when you make it again. > > 22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. > > 23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. > > 24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast > >        to the real world. > > 25. It ain't the jeans that make your rear look fat. > >